Today I am feeling lucky and blessed. I think back to how I was feeling and what I was doing last year at this time, and I realize how far I’ve come. I feel so much better than I did then! I’m not sure if I’m in any less pain, but I’m definitively less tired and more mobile. I think this is partially because I’ve learned to deal better with being in pain all the time, I’ve rediscovered yoga which helps me to relax and ignore the pain, I’ve been making an extra effort to think about other people and not myself, I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and I have found doctors who have backed me up and who are helping me. Yea! I feel lucky that I have some very supportive friends and family members who love me and are concerned about me. Of course, nothing is perfect, there are plenty of people out there who are not supportive, but I am blessed to have many who are.
Some days I feel like life it too hard, like when my son spilled gold fish and milk all over the kitchen floor that I had JUST cleaned. Or when I spent three hours looking for a DVD from the library that was overdue, only to find it under the TV speaker as I lay on the living room floor in utter dejection and exhaustion (if you have a mental picture of me sprawled out on the carpet trying valiantly to not yell at my four year old for wasting three hours of my day and all the energy I had, you would be correct). And I certainly have moments when I see all the wonderful things other people get to do and achieve and I wonder why I’m stuck with this horrible condition which equates me to the usefulness of a potato (or insert preferred vegetable here). It seems like everyone I know is running marathons, getting super skinny and super fit while I can barely walk around the grocery store. But all in all, there are way more happy moments, like Jackson climbing onto my lap and laying his head down on my shoulder (which he rarely does). Life is good!