It is hard to believe that something this small is causing all my current misery. There is still a part of me that hardly believes it, even though I have clear evidence.
My Christmas holiday has been rather overshadowed by me feeling horrible. I am a very social person, I enjoy being with other people, and I have tried very hard to keep that up through all this. Before I started the Lyme treatment, I was cutting a lot of social activities, but I still kept the important ones. The last few weeks I have given up everything, if I have the energy to leave the house, that’s about as good as it gets. It’s very frustrating for me. I do not like laying around feeling horrible and useless. I do not like staying in my house all the time. And I really don’t like having to give up seeing family and friends. It is really hard to develop new relationships, or even to maintain current ones, when you barely have the energy to lift your head off the pillow.
I try very hard to not ever be in a place where I feel sorry for myself, the logical part of me knows that it is pointless. But I have to admit, I am currently in a funk, and am feeling very sorry for myself. After 2 1/2 years of illness I feel that I am entitled to feel sorry for myself for a little while.