Sometimes I let my desire to live a normal life get way out of control and I do WAY too much. As I’m doing it, I know that I’m going to pay for it later, so why don’t I stop? I’m psychoanalyzing myself and saying I am a glutton for punishment. I push myself constantly to do more than I can do, and I think that is because deep down I feel like I SHOULD do more. My rational self knows this is stupid, I have major health problems, I am excused from heavy labor, but my inner self apparently does not agree.
I am reading an excellent book that address healing, wellness, and the whole self. I’m realizing more and more than an important part of my health getting better is addressing wellness and myself, not just the symptoms of my disease. My problem is that again, my rational self knows that this is something that needs to be address, but I’m really not sure how to address it. Many books I have read suggest meditation. Yeah right, I have a 2 year old and five year old, neither of which sleep very much, my meditation time is severely limited. Many of these books address that issue and point out that you can mediate while in the shower or doing your hair etc. Well when I am in the shower Jackson is usually banging on the door and screaming. IF I have the time and energy to do my hair, I am too concerned about Jackson grabbing my hair straightener and burning himself (it’s been done before, not pretty). How exactly does one achieve wellness when one has a toddler who is usually screaming or destoying?
I have yet to discover an answer to that question, but in the limited time I have, I am trying.