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Full disclosure: what pain is truly like

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I’m joining Wego health’s National blog post month. For the month of November there are different blog post subjects for each day. I doubt I’ll do it every day, but I’ll try to post as much as I can! Today’s subject is: disclosure post, how do you decide what to share?

I’m a very private person, there are a lot of things that I don’t share with people, but for some reason it is easier for me to share through writing than it is verbally  I try to stay positive most of the time, so sometimes I feel that I am painting a much too rosy picture of what life as a chronic mom is like. That’s when I insert a dose of honesty, as in my house is a mess, my kids are a mess, there is way too much yelling, and what I would give for a nap and some peace and quiet.

As this is supposed to be a “disclosure” post, in the name of full disclosure I generally do not include detailed descriptions of my pain and how bad it is, or my lack of sleep and my exhaustion and how bad they are. I often refer to the pain, but very rarely do I describe it, because I tend to think that no one wants to hear that. It’s somewhat idiotic that I think that though, since some of my favorite blogs are the ones that disclose everything, even the really terrible stuff. These people are putting themselves out there and sharing how they feel, and when they write I can feel their pain. I love to read blogs like that when I’m not feeling good, it helps me to know that there are others out there who know what it’s like.

So here is my full disclosure about what my pain is really like:

The truth is I can’t remember the last time my entire body didn’t hurt. Even the tops of my feet have been hurting lately, and I didn’t even know that was possible. My head hurts, my shoulders hurt, my neck hurts, my face hurts, my harms hurt, my hands hurt, my fingers hurt, my legs hurt, and my knees hurt. I even hurt on the inside since I get the lovely experience of interstitial cystitis. It”s fun, let me tell you. Did I miss a body part? If I have it, it hurts. Think of the worst flu you ever had and multiply it by 20, and that is who I feel every single day. Every time I move, even the smallest movement, it hurts. Every time someone touches me, it hurts. Every time I bump into something it hurts 10 times more than it should, the pain just magnifies and magnifies. Laying down hurts, sitting down hurts, standing hurts, there is no time to pain goes away.

There now, aren’t you glad I disclosed everything and you read through all that? I promise to never inflict it on you again!

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8 thoughts on “Full disclosure: what pain is truly like

  1. This is great how you described it. I am in a similar boat. The past two years I have been hurting more and more and I think it is Fibromyalgia but I cant find anyone who wants to diagnose it or help. When you described the top of your feet hurt I chuckled because mine do all the time. IM NOT ALONE. Thank you for your full disclosure.

    1. You're welcome! I hope you can find an answer for your pain, it took me 1 1/2 years and about 10 doctors to find an answer, and I live in Houston which has some of the best medical care in the country. It's so frustrating not being able to find out what is wrong with you. I hope you can find a sympathetic doctor who is willing to look outside the box.

  2. I live with CRPS and find that some days writing about my pain helps and others it helps more to focus on writing about something else. I quite like coming up with ways to describe the pain, though, it's like a little writing challenge to string some words together that (in my head at least) create an image of what I'm feeling. I like reading other people's descriptions too, it's not nice that they're experiencing pain but sometimes being able to relate and connect with others who understand helps 🙂

    1. I'm so bad at describing pain and always have been. As a child my mom would get so mad at me because I would tell her I hurt, but couldn't tell her where! Now I can definitely tell where, but it is so hard to describe what it is like to people who haven't experienced it. I does really help me to read other people's descriptions though, sometimes the light bulb just goes on for me and I realize they are describing just how I feel!

  3. I can't even imagine having to live like that day in and day out. You are so courageous and I absolutely love that you were willing to share your pain in more depth. I had no idea it was that bad. I'm so sorry.

  4. Me too, girl, me too. I feel you.

    I haven't had a moment free of intense pain for nearly 20 years, I can no longer remember what it was like to have energy, good quality sleep, and no raging muscle spasms. It is so strange to have lived almost all of your adult life like this.

    Today my mother in law asked me how I can keep on going, which is a question I find silly. Like any of us has a choice!

    What I cannot tell anyone is we have no choice, we must keep on pushing, we just must. Even doing simple things involves such hurculean effort, how can we ever explain it fully?

    So we blog, pouring out our thoughts, hopes, experiences, and realities. Because there are others who relate, who get that this is damn hard. We strengthen and support each other. I wish it were different. For us all. But, wishing does not make it so, and on we go. Together…

    1. The "how do you keep on going" question drives me nuts! I don't even know what to say to those people since it's not like we have an actual choice. Thank goodness for blogging, I had no idea there were so many people like me out there.

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