I had a rough night last night. I was exhausted and in a ton of pain so I went to bed really early thinking I’d get a good 8 hours. I’m not sure what I was thinking! I have a really hard time going to sleep. Once I am asleep I’ll stay asleep (thanks to drugs) but it takes me at least an hour to fall asleep every time, including when I wake up in the middle of the night. My son, daughter, and husband (who sleepwalks) all take turns waking me up every night. Generally my daughter is a good sleeper, but she chose last night to take a stand on whether the hall light should be on in the middle of the night (just so you don’t think I’m a mean parent, let me state for the record she already sleeps with her closet light on). So we had a middle of the night stubbornness battle over the light in the hallway, which woke me up every time she turned it on. Fun times.
This is just a small example of what being a mother has involved for me lately. It’s exhausting. I’ve mostly gotten past the whole “why me” question with regard to my illnesses, but sometimes I can’t but help wonder why in the world God saw fit to make me sick and give me the most stubborn and strong willed children ever. My children take energy, energy that I don’t have. A normal person would be exhausted after dealing with my sons tantrums and having to physically pin him down so he won’t hurt himself. I’m not a normal person and his tantrums take everything out of me. It’s a little sad, but he’s stronger than I am. On the bright side, I do have some incredible arm muscles.
I don’t really have a point to this post, I just needed to complain. I try not to complain to other people because I know it can get tiresome, but I figure this is my blog so I shouldn’t feel bad about using it to complain. Plus, the truth is that being sick isn’t always sunshine and roses, it’s hard, incredibly hard. Sometimes there are more bad days then good days, and that is just the reality of things. I think I feel better now after complaining a bit though!