Living in Pain

Pain, pain, pain, is the name of the game these days. Lately there have been no good days, only bad ones and really bad ones. I’m honestly not sure if it’s because I’m regressing or just because I spent about half my time physically wrestling my son when he’s in one of his tantrums. I tell myself that anyone would be in pain after holding their son in the car for 30 minutes while he’s kicking and screaming (we were at the library and couldn’t leave still the tantrum stopped because he can escape his car seat), but I still feel like I’m in more pain than I should be. I think I’m in more pain now then I have ever been before (which believe me is a lot, I have a very high tolerance for pain these days), which is incredibly discouraging. I’m still battling the insurance company for IV treatment for Lyme disease, but I’m doubtful that it will happen. I’m at somewhat of a stopping point and I’m not really sure what to do. Do I give up on Lyme and just start addressing the damage to my joints? Do I consider surgery to repair them? Do are start focusing on only managing fibromyalgia?  I wish there was some strict guideline and treatment I could follow that would make me better.

Living day in and day out in pain is rough. It’s gotten so bad lately that I can’t sleep even with enough sleeping drugs to knock out a horse. I go to bed in pain and wake up in pain, it pretty much never gets better. And yet life goes on, each and ever day I get out of bed wondering if I’ll be able to control the pain well enough to do what I need to do, and generally I can. Still, I’m considering giving in and taking narcotics because clearly Tramadol isn’t doing much. I know narcotics work on my pain, but I’m not a fan of them and have always avoided them as much as possible. I only know they work because I took some for a root canal and suddenly all my pain was gone! I think I may have to given in and at least start taking them at night so my pain level is low enough to sleep, I’m just not seeing a better option out there, yoga can only get you so far.

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