I’ve been in “sorry for myself” mode lately. I’ve been feeling like I carry the heaviest burdens and nobody cares or notices how awesome I am about dealing with it (seriously, this is what goes on in my brain sometimes). I’ve been resentful towards other people and my perception of their completely insignificant problems most of which are their fault anyway. I’ve been thinking that my all consuming health problems are not my fault so therefore I should get an award for dealing with them. I’ve been resenting people who constantly complain about their problems because I feel that their problems are because they made bad decisions, not because they were dealt a bad hand like I was. This is the superior attitude I’ve been walking around with the past couple weeks. Yeah I know, I’m an awesome person.
So this week some crazy stuff happened where I was feeling even more sorry for myself and I felt like I was tired of dealing with people whose problems were of their own creation when I had real problems and nobody paid attention to me. I was angry and feeling like a martyr and when I’m like that I am capable of no rational thought. But when I was coming down off my martyr high I had a sudden realization, it’s not all about me. Yes I know most people know this, and I know it when I’m not feeling sorry for myself, but it really hit me like a ton of bricks. The truth is that life is hard and everybody has their own problems and I need to stop feeling picked on because nobody has given me an award for how awesome I am at coping. Everybody is coping with something, I’m not the only one who has had their life turned upside down and is trying to find a new one.
I can’t promise that this realization will totally get rid of my “sorry for myself” mode. While I feel I am in general handling all this pretty well, the truth it that I have bad days and sometimes bad weeks where I feel that life isn’t fair. However, I think next time I get in this mode I’m going to remember how I felt when I realized that it’s not all about me and that every other person on this planet has their own problems so I need to not be a martyr about mine. And maybe if I am not just thinking about me all the time I can be of help to someone else.