Hitting a wall

I seem to have hit some sort of wall lately, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Physically my health hasn’t changed at all despite changes in medications. The medication for Babesia has done nothing for me yet except stimulating my gag reflex every time I take it since it has the consistency of paint and is bright yellow.

 Mentally, I seem to be drawing a blank. I live in somewhat of a fog anyway because of all the medications I am on, but lately it seems like I’ve been more foggy than usual. My mom was over the other day and she had to repeat questions to me several times before I really even heard what she was saying to me because my mind was in a whole different world.

Emotionally, I don’t feel anything. I used to be so up and down, sometimes angry, sometimes hurt, sometimes sad, sometimes happy and content, I don’t feel any of that now. I haven’t had a burst of anger where I need to vent on my blog in a while. Mostly I just feel blah for lack of a technical term. I’ve accepted that this is my life, but I’m not very happy about it. I’ve even lost my sarcasm, which is what really worries me! Oh and stress, I feel a lot of that too thanks to my medical bills.

I have continued my quest for better health by cracking down on my nutrition. My husband suffers in silence (mostly) as I replace all the chemicals in our home with natural alternatives and as I start getting rid of our processed foods and trying to phase them out of our diet. And little do he or the kids know that the muffins I made this week that they love so much have squash and carrots in them. So far I can’t say I’ve noticed any sort of difference in my health, but I still have a ways to go. I’ve also been implementing ideas from “From Fatigued to Fantastic” which is a program directed toward Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Meanwhile life goes on, and apparently my blog gets boring with no more angry rants, but don’t worry my Irish temper is sure to flare up again soon!

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2 thoughts on “Hitting a wall

  1. Hi, I just want to reach out and hold your hand. I really hope you're feeling better. I have read no further than this post so I know nothing about what you deal with. I have Fibro, CFS and Depression and this past winter/spring has been horrible for me. Actually, had thoughts of why go on if this is what I'll have to deal with the rest of my life, it was the Depression talking. My doctor changed my depression meds and it made a world of difference. My around about way of suggesting that if it's depression bothering you there is help. Kim

  2. I'm glad the change made a difference for you, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I've been reluctant to take antidepressants after my bad experience with Savella that I took for fibro. Getting off that stuff was a nightmare I never want to go through again and I've heard anti depressants can be similar. Still, it's an option I'll keep open.

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