My somewhat mid life crisis

I’ve been a bit negative lately here on the good ‘ol blog. I’m not sure why, things have been going OK for me lately health wise. I’ve been running around like a crazy women since school got out two weeks ago, the dear blog is suffering from neglect, but my children aren’t. We’ve been doing all the fun summer stuff, beach trips, going to to pool and splash pad, heading to the library, and “mommy school” where I force my children to learn against their will. Miraculously I’ve managed to keep up with everything so far and my children have not killed each other yet either (9 more weeks of summer to go, we’ll see how long this lasts).

I think my negativity is coming out because while everything on the surface looks great, I’m sort of having a mid life crisis inside my brain, at the ripe ‘ol age of 29. My kids are getting older, I’m getting to the point where being a stay at home mom no longer feels justifiable.  In the past I’ve stayed busy through volunteer opportunities through my church, but currently I’m not doing much there and presumably won’t be any time soon (very much not my fault and out of my control, it’s a long story). I’ve reached out to volunteer with other organizations and have had no takers (as a side note, I’ve had this problem before. I had to volunteer 20 hrs for one of my classes in college and had a really hard time finding any place that wanted any. You’d be surprised how many places don’t want them, even non profits). I have a bachelors degree, I’ve always wanted a masters degree so I’ve looked into getting one. The problem is that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to work full time, and so I wonder if getting a Masters would be a huge waste of time and money. I’ve thought about going back to work part time, but most part time work is grunt work, work that won’t be easy for me physically and work that is pretty demeaning considering I have a Bachelors from a good university. I just don’t feel like I should have to make coffee and make copies just because I want to work part time. Ugh, I just can’t decide what I want/need to do. I always planned on having a career, I never planned on staying home with my kids, but nature intervened by killing my health and messed up all my careful planning. As a control freak, this is highly annoying, hence my virtual grumpiness.

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