When your best is never enough

Society is defined by healthy people. What we do every day is defined by health people. What time we get up, how long it should take to get ready, how long we work, how far we commute, what we do as a hobby, how much time we spend with our family, all are defined by healthy people. Life is defined by people who don’t have to think about if they will have energy to blow dry their hair, much less going to work for 10 hours. Most people don’t have to decide if they should spend their limited energy on playing with their kids or cleaning their house. Sure, people get tired and overworked and stressed, but if they push themselves too hard, they don’t have to worry about physical collapse resulting from emptying the dishwasher.

I spend my life trying to meet real world standards. I’m supposed to meet real world standards even though I don’t have a real world body.
      I’m supposed to have a spotless house
      I’m supposed to be the most amazing mom and wife ever
      I’m supposed to have a full time job
      I’m supposed to be an amazing friend and family member
      I’m supposed to be involved at my children’s school
      I’m supposed to have an active social life and not cut myself off from everyone
      I’m supposed to be patient, kind, and thoughtful
      I’m supposed to have a house that looks like a Martha Stewart catalog
      I’m supposed to be involved at church
      I’m supposed to read to my children every single day (or I am the worst Mom ever)
      I’m supposed to make a from scratch meal every single night (no canned spaghetti sauce, it’s so processed you’ll be killing your kids with chemicals!)
      I’m supposed to attend church services every single week no matter how I feel
      I’m supposed to make sure every else’ s needs have been met before I meet mine.

No matter what I do and how hard I drive myself, it’s never enough. I can’t accomplish all that I’m “supposed” to, my body will give out completely before I do. I will never ever be able to make everyone happy. On the surface I will probably always look like a failure, but I am not a failure. Every day I get up and do all that my body will let me do. Every day I wake up and fight pain that would send a healthy person running to emergency room. It will never be enough for everyone else, but I am not a failure. I might not meet everyone else’s standards, but I meet mine, and that is enough.

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2 thoughts on “When your best is never enough

  1. Yes! Great posting.

    Me too. I have to really work at shutting off the "shoulds", or else I get too bitter. I am not what I was, nor what I would like to be, but am what I am.

    And what I am is going to have to be good enough. Even if only by my own standard.

    Because at the end of the day, nobody is going to truly get this bizarre body and it's weird limitations. Except other fibro friends, that is!

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