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You are brave

No one has ever said this to me, but it could easily be about me. I am very good at suffering in silence. The worse I feel the quieter I get so it’s typical for me to be passed over and forgotten when I’m feeling my worst. No one thinks about the quiet girl in the corner who doing everything she is supposed to do but looks a little tired. No one notices how hard I try or how much effort I put into pretending I’m okay, they only notice when I make a mistake and then they blame me for it.

Having a chronic illness is such an emotional battle. On my bad days it’s all I can do to not hate everyone who takes their health for granted. On the best days I consider myself an advocate and I am glad for a chance to change people’s views about chronic illness. Most days I can accept who I am and be happy with it but I still get frustrated by the people who refuse to try to understand. I am dissapointed by people who only see my failings and who refuse to acknowledge the battles that I fight that most people my age never have to deal with. I tire of the expectations of others, expectations that I can never meet. I tire of shallow people who can only think beyond their shallow problems and who can’t consider any other world view but their own. I tire of success being based on how you look or how obnoxious you are about promoting yourself. Still, I know I are all guilty of these things sometimes (as much as I try not to be) and I try to refrain from feeling anger every time I have to deal with someone that won’t even try to understand. I would spend too much of my time being angry if I didn’t let some of these things go. Most of the time I can’t help but wish that things weren’t so hard.

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