It’s that time again, time to think about buying presents for everyone you know. Time to stress about who you may or may not have forgotten. Time to wander the mall aimlessly looking for something to give. Well wander no more, I have a list of some fabulous gifts I would love and your significant other with a chronic illness will too.
1. The ability to sleep all night
I would love forever the person who could get me this gift. This is me most nights even after I’ve taken a sedative powerful enough to knock out a horse. And in the rare instance that I fall asleep after an hour of trying, do not, I repeat DO Not disturb me.
2. A new brain
My brain has been severely impacted by my illness. You might think that constant pain and exhaustion would have no effect on your brain, but once you’ve left the ice cream in the pantry and the spoon in the freezer you know this is for real. Please please get me a new brain. If you do I promise to donate it to science after I die.
3. A new body
Obviously my body is defective so if you can get me a new one that would be great, it would go great with my new brain. I’ll be a changed person after I get my new body! No more 24/7 pain and horrible exhaustion, no more people telling me I’m crazy for knowing something was wrong with my body. I would love you forever if you got me this gift.
4. A good doctor
Good doctors are really hard to find so if you could get one for me that would be great. If you can get the new doctor to come Christmas morning that would be even better. Having a decent doctor pop out from behind the Christmas tree would be astonishing. And then having a doctor who actually listens are cares about me would be an amazing present. Another acceptable option would be for you to go to medical school yourself and present this gift to me a couple years down the road when you become a doctor.
5. The ability to wear sweatpants everywhere and have it be socially acceptable
Having a chronic illness has made my skin very sensitive. A lot of clothes are very uncomfortable and actually cause me pain, so I wear a lot of sweatpants. The thing is, I know they aren’t socially acceptable to wear outside your home unless you’re going to Walmart. So if you could create a way to make sweatpants a fashion statement I would be grateful.
6. Reprogram time
I have this problem. My biological clock really likes the midnight to 9:00 am sleep schedule. Unfortunately for me the world is against me. Everyone else thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to begin mornings before 7:00 am. That’s just not okay, so I’d really like for time to be reprogrammed. For example. if you could change the starting time of my kids’ school to about 10:00 that would be great,
I promise that if you get your special someone one of these gifts here, they will be blown away!