My daughter has a presentation as school today. It’s her first speech but she’s already a pro. She’s outgoing and not easily intimidated so she’s going to do wonderfully. Today a note came home from the teacher stating the requirements for the presentation and inviting any parents that wanted to come. Here comes the guilt part- I don’t want to go. I helped her write her speech, helped her practice it and came up with her costume. I’ve seen her speech. and I’m tired and hurting and want to stay home and rest. Of course a bunch of the other parents are going to show up and make me look like the lazy parent that I am and my daughter is going to be mad at me for not showing. This is where having a chronic illness and being a parent really makes life difficult. I want to be that super involved Pinterest parent, but I just don’t have enough energy to do everything. I prefer to save my energy for when my kids are home with me. That way from the hours of 3-8 pm my kids have 100% of my attention and energy, but that is hard for my kids to understand.
When you get diagnosed with a chronic illness they should hand out a pamphlet, “How to deal with the guilt.” No one tells you how many people you are going to let down, how many people will be disappointed you can’t meet their expectations, and how horrible you will feel about not being enough. It’s easy to say that we shouldn’t feel guilty, but it’s hard to implement that in our every day lives. When I have a pair of big brown eyes staring up at me asking me why I can’t do something the other moms do, it’s hard. It’s just another battle that those of us with a chronic illness have to fight on a daily basis.