what you don't see- looking behind invisible illness

What you don’t see- looking behind invisible illness

When you see me smiling what you don’t see is how much pain I’m in.

When you see me at the store what you don’t see is that I’ve used all my energy dragging myself there only because I’ve run out of food at home.

When you see me out with my friends what you don’t see is that it will take me 3 days to recover.

When you see me circling the parking lot for a closer space what you don’t see is that I physically cannot walk all the way across the parking lot that day.

When you see me out on a walk what you don’t see is that hobbling around the block is the extent of my capabilities.

When you see me looking energetic and getting things done what you don’t see is that this is the first good day I’ve had in weeks.

When you see me on vacation what you don’t see is how many activities I had to forgo in order to have a little bit of fun.

When you notice that I’m a little quiet what you don’t see is that I’m expending all my energy just being physically present.

When you see me at the doctors office what you don’t see it that sometimes I practically live there.

When you see me looking tired what you don’t see is that pain has kept me awake the last four nights in a row.

What you don’t see is that some days my pain levels are low and I can pretend I’m normal, but other days it’s all I can do to get up off the couch. I never know what kind of day it will be.

If I don’t look like I’m paying attention what you don’t see is how the pain has taken over everything.

What you don’t see is the guilt I live with every day.

When you talk about how anyone can do anything they want to do what you don’t see is how much that hurts me. Because unlike you, I can’t do anything I want.

When you judge me for not doing enough what you don’t see is that I’ve actually done too much.

What you don’t see is how physically, emotionally, and spiritually draining having a chronic illness can be.

What you don’t see is that I have the same wants and desires as a healthy person.

What you don’t see is that I’m doing everything in my power to improve my health, it’s just not working.

 

chronic mom

 

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5 thoughts on “What you don’t see- looking behind invisible illness

  1. I can't believe I've read your blog on the same day I posted http://www.feastingisfun/the-pain-pay-off/ I get you. I do feel your pain and the loneliness and isolation it brings with it. AND it HURTS. Pain is draining in itself. I really do pray you will have a better day this week. One where there is no pain pay off and you can enjoy doing a few little things that you enjoy. Sammie x

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