Betrayed by my body

something broken

For a long time, I felt like my body had betrayed me.

  • While pregnant the first time I spent 9 months throwing up 50 times a day
  • I had to have a c section which caused the development of scar tissue
  • Scar tissue fused my uterus and bladder together causing a number of problems
  • I spent another 9 months throwing up 75 times a day while pregnant the second time
  • Spending 18 months of my life throwing up ruined my teeth
  • The minute I recovered from pregnancy/delivery I was bitten by a tick and caught Lyme Disease.
  • Then I developed Fibromyalgia from lack of treatment
  • First my muscles and joints started falling apart
  • Then my brain turned to mush
  • Then my energy was gone
  • Then came the weight gain
  • Then my kidneys decided that they hated me

After all this it’s easy to look in the mirror and see something broken.

It’s easy to think my body is just a waste of space.

It’s easy to reject this body that doesn’t perform the way it should.

It’s easy to be angry at my body

It’s easy to look in the mirror and see something broken, and think that brokenness is me.

But it’s not. Because I am not broken and this body that I want to reject because of it’s imperfections is still beautiful. It is beautiful not in spite of its imperfections, but because of them. My body has flaws just like I do. My body makes mistakes just like I do. My body feels stress just like I do. My body falls apart just like I fall apart. My body is just like me. It’s a beautifully, frustratingly flawed piece of me. It’s doing the best that it can the best way it knows how, it just falls short. Just like I do.

 

 

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