As a women I have long known that my body is considered public consumption. If I’m wearing not enough clothes, if I’m wearing too many clothes, am I too fat or too skinny, am I wearing too much makeup or do I look homely, do I look too feminine or do I look too much like a man, the list goes on and on. But as someone with a chronic illness I’ve quickly learned that even more so that being a women, my body and my health are considered public consumption because I’m not healthy. People like to comment on what I can or cannot do and they want to judge when I’m not doing enough or trying hard enough. I’m sick of it, this ends now.
I am the only person who has to inhabit this body. I’ve been sick for six years, and I’ve pretty much figured out what my limits are. I’ve carefully set up boundaries that allow me to maintain my health. I know what gets me in trouble and I know what kind of consequences I will have to deal with if I ignore my boundaries. I make specific choices about what I can do and what I can’t. While there are certain activities that I could probably do, I choose not to do them because of the long term consequences. I choose to prioritize myself and my family and friends, because that is the most important to me.
Why do you think you know more about my body then I do? Why do you think you are entitled to an opinion on what I am capable of? Why does someone who has been perfectly healthy all their life entitled to think that faith is the magical answer to all my problems? News flash, it’s not and that’s a naive and immature perspective. I suggest you try to grow up and join the real world where not everything is perfect and magical. If you believe those things then I feel sorry for you and your shallow self. So I don’t owe you the courtesy of listening to you opine on how to best go about getting God to fix me. God isn’t judging me, you are.
My health is not up for debate and neither is my body. My body is no ones business beside me and my doctor. If I trust you I will occasionally share with you what is going on with me, but it takes time to earn my trust. It certainly will never develop if you think that you try to control me. It is not my job to “fix myself” or wait for God do if for me. My job is to deal with the hand I’ve been given the best way that I know how, and I’m already doing that. Physically and mentally I’m doing better than I have in years, so leave me alone. I comfortable with my illness most of the time, I’m just not comfortable with horrible people.
Just because my body exists in the same physical space as yours does not mean you own it. I am not an extension of you, I am my own autonomous person and you are not entitled to have an opinion. Just because other people choose to listen to you does not mean I have to. Just because you have some small smidgen of authority does not mean you have authority over my body. So just stop.
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