taking opioids for chronic pain isn't addiction

Taking opioids for chronic pain isn’t addiction

Note: If you don’t have a sense of humor proceed at your own risk

Dear chronic pain patients,

In the last few years it’s come to the attention of the media, politicians, and society that people who take opioids for chronic pain are actually just a bunch of addicted junkies. You addicts whine and cry about how much you are suffering, but we really know that you are in denial. You actually want to be in pain. You like suffering 24/7 and being told that you should just get over it. You like spending thousands of dollars going from doctor to doctor trying to find one who will take your pain seriously. You have the nerve to believe that your pain should be treated even though you are all clearly junkies.

If you have ever in your entire life taken one pain pill you are an addict. It doesn’t matter if you:

  • had surgery
  • have taken medication responsibly
  • have passed all drug tests and pill counts
  • are disabled
  • have a documented disease known to cause extreme pain
  • have been allowed by evil doctors to take pain medication previously
  • are dying

You are an addict. The only exception to these rules in cancer, because cancer is a disease approved by society. It’s only approved when you have active cancer though, once you’re in remission and you are still claiming that cancer is causing you pain it’s too bad for you. You should be over it by now.

You might think pain medication is approved for people who are dying, but it’s not because people who are dying might become addicted and become another statistic in the terrifying opioid epidemic. After all 64,000 people died of drug overdoses in 2016 and we’d really prefer if people with fatal diseases would just die in horrific pain instead of adding to the overdose statistics. So please, just offer some cooperation and go quietly.

This whole epidemic is really the fault of people in pain who dared to take the pain medication as prescribed. Of course very few of the 64,000 overdoses were people prescribed pain medication by a doctor, but that fact is immaterial. It’s also immaterial that in 2016 88,000 people died from cases related to alcohol and 480,000 from cigarettes. We are still banning all pain medication and keeping alcohol and cigarettes legal because we like those kind of addicts, they make us warm and fuzzy (our bank accounts anyway).  Clearly the 20,000 opioid pill deaths (most not prescribed by a doctor) are a way bigger problem than anything else this country has ever faced. It is imperative that we freak out right now.

You don’t need to be treated for pain you need to be treated like an addict. Don’t get me wrong you still won’t get mental health services or help for your “addiction”, but we’re going to treat you like drug addicts are treated (subhuman). We’re going to scream and cry about how bad you are for society, but we’re not really going to do anything about it besides take away pain pills. So don’t come crying to us the next time you have surgery. We’re not going to help you look for affordable pain relief, and we’re not going to look for a cure for your disease so don’t ask. We’re just going to tell you to get over it immediately. Get over your illness, get over your pain, and get over your “addiction.”


Doctors, Politicians, Society, and the News media


PS- Screw you

PPS- Just get over it

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One thought on “Taking opioids for chronic pain isn’t addiction

  1. Hi Shelley,

    I came across this post via your Tweet.
    Your satire made me laugh sardonically–not mocking you but mocking the doctors. I also was given a “life-long” sentence of pain (at least by the doctors). And it was caused originally by a misdiagnosis, same as you. In my case, it took a couple of decades to kick in. I have a severe gluten intolerance. Back in the ’80’s the doctor called it GERD and gave me two prescriptions for stomach pain and digestive issues. This made me feel better and I went back to work. Along about 2005, the FDA came out and declared that the medications that were prescribed to me 20 years prior will cause arthritis if you take them long enough. Not only that but consuming gluten killed my intestinal villi meaning that I didn’t absorb nutrients so was placed essentially into a permanent state of nutritional starvation. Right around the time of the FDA proclamation, the beginning symptoms of arthritis began to show up. It got progressively worse. Then the doctors said that arthritis is incurable and my only option was joint replacement surgery. Their office called me up to schedule an appointment. I said I’m afraid not because now I have a vision problem. She said, “what’s the matter with your eyes?” I replied, “I can’t see you anymore.”

    Shelley, your post reminded me of my feelings about this unfolding. The doctors actually meant well. They were not trying to harm me and probably didn’t mean to harm you either. However, I think they are taught in medical school to be arrogant and never to admit their ignorance. While “society” (who?) tries to train the non-doctors to respect the doctors and put your care into their hands.

    Anyway, I want to commend your satirical writing. It hit a chord with me. I may need to try hydrocodone, too. My pain levels still restrict me from many of the things I loved to do before arthritis even though it’s slowly getting somewhat better. My docs didn’t want to allow me to continue with Percocet so I stopped. Then I stopped seeing the docs.

    As thanks for your blog and what you shared, I want to try to reciprocate by sharing a blog post that I wrote today about the three pain remedies that have worked best for me so far. Since I just started my blog last weekend, I don’t have lots of followers yet to share it with so I picked you from my twitter feed as someone to share with. Here it is:

    And thanks again for the insightful satirical writing. To your good health.
    All the best,
    ~ Wes

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