Today was a day off school, so I took my daughter to her old preschool to say hello to her teacher. Her preschool teacher knew all about my various health issues and since we hadn’t seen each other in a few months she asked if things were better. My answer (which is how I answer everyone these days) was a roll of the eyes and a sigh of frustration. She shared that she had hoped to see me bouncing in with my energy restored, and I have to admit I thought I would feel that way too by this time in my Lyme treatment. This is the source of much frustration.
When I was diagnosed with Lyme I thought that the treatment would take six months, that in 6 months I would be back to my normal self. I am now into my 9th month of treatment and I feel worse than ever. I am much more functional then I used to be, but the truth is i’m in more pain than I was before I started treatment, I am just better at dealing with it. I honestly don’t know what to do next. Do I just I continue what I am doing for Lyme treatment? Do I pay the exorbitant amount for IV antibiotics to hit the Lyme with something stronger? Or do I just accept that I will be in horrific pain and completely exhausted for forever? I now accept that I will never feel “normal” again, I think there is too much damage to my body for that, but shouldn’t a feel a little bit better?
I’m a bit frustrated with the situation. I just have a hard time accepting the fact that I will feel this way forever, because I’m barely hanging on. I just can’t function on the level that I need to be able to function, and there doesn’t seem to be a solution to that.
Sorry for the depressing post, but sometimes I just need to get these feelings out. Certainly life goes on and life is good even if my health is not. I enjoyed a beautiful morning at the park with my kids, so I really have nothing to complain about!