I have been all over the map in my posts lately, from angry posts, to sarcastic posts, to positive posts, to factual posts, all over. I am not one to scrutinize my blog statistics on a regular basis (though I do a little dance every time I gain a new follower) but I have noticed an interesting trend, my angry posts are by far the most popular.
I’m really not sure why my anger is so popular, though I do have a small theory (so please let me know if you have a better one, in all seriousness). My thoughts are this: when I am truly at rock bottom I do not want to read anything inspiring. I am angry and sad and frustrated and I want to read about other people going through the same things I am. I want to read about the real deal and sadly enough the real deal involves anger and frustration. I find solace in people who are struggling just as much as I am struggling, not that I enjoy their pain or anything, but it is always nice to know you are not alone in the struggle.
Now don’t get me wrong, my life is not all anger and frustration but the nature of chronic illness is that no matter how much you have come to accept that this is your life, there are still many ups and downs. I am currently in a down, the sad reality is that I am so sick I can barely get out of bed in the morning, and yet I have to, because I have a life that doesn’t allow for sickness, I am a mother. I have heard chronically ill people share stories about how it took them everything they had in them to just climb the stairs or make it from one room to another. This has not been a problem for me for the most part except for when I first started treatment for Lyme disease and this week. It’s incredibly frustrating and it is impossible to explain to others. Last week I was running around like a madwomen and this week I can barely move. It’s rough, but things will pick up again and eventually I’ll get moving again and my positive side will slowly reassert itself.
Now that I have wandered pretty far from my original subject*, I will get back to it. I would like chronically ill people to know that is it OK to feel anger, it’s OK to share your anger with others (though don’t direct it AT them), it’s OK to be frustrated and upset and to feel like you’ve been left alone. You are not alone, there are so many others who are going through similar things, and thanks to the internet we can support each other! I never realized how many people in this world are dealing with health problems until I started reading message boards and blogs. So read my angry posts, write your own, or find another safe outlet that works for you, but don’t ever feel bad about it. It is so important to find good ways to vent your anger so that you can move on to the more positive things.
*To Ms. Neff and Mr. Crompton the two most difficult teachers I ever had, I’m sorry for your wasted effort to teach me the English language and proper writing technique. I hope you don’t read my blog and feel like a failure, you tried, you can only do so much in the public school system.