Why I don’t talk about it

I don’t talk a lot to people about all my various health issues, even to people who I am very close to (the major exception being my husband). A good friend asked me the other day why I didn’t talk about it much, and my answer was… it’s complicated.

 I have managed to come to a level of acceptance with my health, but the only way I manage to maintain that level of acceptance is to not think about it. When I think about how badly things are currently looking, how messed up the Lyme disease situation is, and how I may never feel better… ever, well that’s just depressing no matter who you are. So my coping mechanism partly involves  denial. On a daily basis I live in denial, I live my life as I can, and I don’t talk to my friends and family about the pain and the exhaustion and the frustration because when I talk about it I am reminded of the suckiness that is my health. If someone asks me I am more than willing to share information about how I feel or how the Lyme process is going, but I don’t want to be that constantly negative person that goes on and on about their suffering.  No one wants to be around that person, including me. I use my blog as an outlet for my feelings and that way people can read about my feelings and health if they want to, and if they don’t want to, well they are free to not read my blog.

Obviously, this strange approach would not work for everyone, but for some strange reason it seems to work for me. Perhaps that is because I am a classic middle child and I’ve never been good about sharing my feelings anyway. So much about living with chronic illness involves learning what works for you and things that work for some people may not work for another, it’s a complicated process.

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