(My) Amended New Years Resolutions for Chronic Illness
1. Stop acknowledging the existence of food. I don’t need to eat food to gain weight, I just have to look at it. So I’ve decided I just won’t acknowledge it’s existence anymore.
2. Suppress any violent feelings toward people expressing the following phrases:
“You don’t have a job, what do you do all day?” Wouldn’t you like to know?
“If you just exercise more you would feel better.” I usually get the best of these people when I tell them I go on the treadmill every day and then ask often they exercise. It’s amazing how fast they shut up.
“Why aren’t you better yet?” There are no words.
“I wish I could lay around the house all day.” Because, yeah sure, that’s what I do. I have a two year old and a five year old and I’m practically disabled, but sure, I lay around the house all day. No one who ever met my son would say this to me. I took a 2 minute phone call yesterday and in that short time he managed to eat a jar of red pepper flakes. As you can imagine, it was not palatable to his taste, so there was quite a fiasco dealing with the after effects. But sure, I do lay around all day.
Plus, people think they want to lay around all day, but believe you don’t, it’s not that fun. Being physically unable to move is overrated.
“I wish I could get by with no income, I HAVE to have a job.” Um, yeah, I have to have a job too, but I can’t physically work and that’s why you won’t see me at the nail salon or carrying around my Starbucks coffee.
* Come to think about it, I already do suppress my violent feelings toward these people, I just I’ll make a goal to continue it.
3. Find a way to better communicate with my doctor- I have a doctor that I don’t hate, and that’s saying something, but the relationship could be better. It would really better if she fired her entire office staff, but one thing at a time.
4. Try to mop my wood floor this month. I seriously want to curse the person that decided wood floors were cooler than carpet. I mean yes, they look nice, and yes they can be better for your allergies, but I’m pretty sure that’s only if you clean them. The greatest space in our house is the wood floor and it takes me hours (and puts me on the couch for two days) to clean the stupid thing. Plus, I have two kids (3 counting my husband) who think that Mommy mopping floors is just a chance to make more messes.
5. Find something to be joyful about every day, no matter how awful I’m feeling. This is probably the most important one, and therefore is sarcasm free. I’m pretty good at this most of the time, but there are some days when the pain is so overwhelming I can’t find joy in anything.