About once a week I get so frustrated with the medical system, with people who don’t understand, and with my body refusing to do what I want it to do. About once a week I throw up my hands and say “I give up, I’m tired of fighting, I don’t want to fight anymore.” My poor husband has to deal with this, but luckily he has me figured out. Even though I’m tired of fighting and sometimes refusing to go on sounds attractive, I’m really just a big liar, I have no intention of actually ever giving up. I blame my genetic streak of stubbornness The stubborn part of me will never give up because that means that the stupid doctors and mean people win, and I will never let them win, I am determined to win even if I have to fight to my last breath.
As annoyed as I am that my stubborn streak won’t let me give up, I’m glad I have it because it is one of the things that has kept me going. It is so hard to fight every single day. I fight my body to get out of bed, I fight my body when I eat (it doesn’t like food at the moment), I fight it when I play with my kids, clean my house, go out with friends, take medication, exercise, you name it. Every minute of every day is a fight for me. Plus at the same time I’m fighting to get the treatment I need (which I still haven’t gotten). I fight doctors, I fight companies, I fight the insurance, it goes on and on. I get really tired of the fight and find myself thinking it would be so much easier to just give up, but I can’t do it, I’m too important. No I’m not important in the eyes of the rest of the world, but I’m important to my kids, my husband, my family, and my friends. Everybody is important to someone, and that’s why we can’t give up and why we have to keep fighting. In our house we say “Never give up, never surrender” from Galaxy quest possibly the worse movie ever, but nevertheless it’s very true. I will never give up and I will never surrender because I can do hard things.