Sometimes it’s just too much

I’ve been longing to be normal lately. I long to be able to do all the things I want to do and I am frustrated when I can’t do them. When I think about being in pain for the rest of my life I just feel discouraged. Who wants to spend their entire life being is constant pain? I’m young, I have a lot of life left to go, it’s discouraging to think that things will never get better. My pain level doesn’t vary very much, (I am in constant never ending pain), but lately it’s been stepped up a notch that I didn’t even know was there. I thought the pain couldn’t get any worse! I should know better then that.

I have had people tell me that I am doing a good job at handling things, which overall I think is true. I do go on with life and I am a happy person, but sometimes it’s just too much. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the pain, sometimes I’m overcome by the fact that I’ll live like this forever. Sometimes I can’t find a way to see a happy ending, I only see a future of unendurable pain.  I’m not bitter about what has happened to me (I know plenty of people have it worse) but I can’t always find away to be satisfied with the lot I’ve been given. I am surrounded by a lot of people who have lots of abilities I don’t have and sometimes I can’t pretend to be happy for them.

Having chronic illness is like being on a roller coaster sometimes.

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4 thoughts on “Sometimes it’s just too much

  1. I understand your frustration. I try not to think of the big picture because that can be extremely overwhelming and very depressing. Instead I take it one day at a time. I wake up every morning and assess the pain. Some days are better than others. I'm in a major flare up right now, and I wake up every day hoping that it will be the day the flare up ends. Hang in there! Remember: One Day at a Time!

  2. I understand totally how you are feeling. I saw a neighbour yesterday, who rides her horses/raises her kids/works as a nurse/local community work etc, etc. I commented how I used to be like her, full of energy and always on the go. Often I do not like the person I have become – but then I remember that I still care for my animals/husband/home, I am a crafter, addicted to the internet/new technology, way too fond of tv, always interested in learning new things and trying to cope with what each day throws at me. I wish I could still ride my pony, go running, cycling, hiking all day, running my own business and be a better wife – but those days are over for me, and I also realise that I was lucky to have those experiences at all. Being in pain ALL OF THE TIME sucks, but we are strong and being able to share our troubles with those who understand is a great help. Ali x

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