I’ve been feeling bad for a really long time, I mean a really long time. Unlike a lot of other fibro/lyme sufferers, my pain does not cycle up and down much, it’s pretty consistent. So imagine my surprise when I started feeling really energetic this week. I can’t remember the last time I had extra energy, I forgot what an amazing feeling it was!
My first impulse when I feel good is to run around and get everything done I slacked on in the past year when I’ve felt like crap. You know, those things like the baseboards and the windows that never get clean because the milk spilled on the kitchen floor has a bit more priority? This time though, I restrained myself from running to the garage to get the ladder for the windows. Instead of going crazy and burning myself out like I have a tendency to do. I just ramped up my normal routine a little bit. I did some extra cleaning though not the baseboards (which require a lot more bending and leaning on my arthritic knees then is comfortable). I took some extra play time with my kids but didn’t go run a 5k with my daughter like she wanted me too. I went out and did an extra activity with my friends, but didn’t stay out all night partying (okay I haven’t done that ever, but still). For once, I think I managed this well, I have yet to crash and am still getting lots of things done. For the first time ever I have evaded the energy = run around like crazy to get everything done = completely crash after a short time cycle. It turns out the 100th time is the charm, I can learn!
Though I love having extra energy, there is still the person in the back of my head that says, “don’t get attached to this, it’s going to go back to being horrible eventually.” Yeah, the voice in my head is such a pessimist, but I’ve gotten my hopes up so many times, and had them dashed so many times, I know I need to be cautious. And yet, I found myself looking at jobs and graduate schools this week, feeling hopeful that maybe, just maybe, I will eventually feel good enough to do either part time. Here’s to balanced expectations!