Feeling inadequate

Yesterday I posted on depression and today I am posting on crankiness and inadequacy, apparently it’s been a hard week.  I’ve been pretty zen-ish lately, but it’s been a while since I’ve ranted on my blog and now is as good a time as any. That’s right, i’m feeling cranky and inadequate. I am officially banning myself from facebook and obnoxiously positive blogs. I spend way too much time feeling like a failure because I don’t have a perfect life. I feel like I failure because:

*I don’t have a gorgeous Christmas picture of my family, or a Christmas letter for that matter. I was planning on doing a picture but my dear son continually either has a black eye or a giant black bump on his head. As he already had a black eye for his school pictures I think I’m good. And yes, my son is crazy and has no sense of self preservation (no one with a sense of preservation would dump water into the toaster and TURN IT ON). Oh and the Christmas letter wasn’t even close to actually happening.

* I don’t have an elf on the shelf. The cranky part of me finds this tradition creepy and weird so I don’t feel that bad about not doing it. I mean seriously, an elf that stalks your children and gets into trouble, what does that have to do with Christmas? Unfortunately the mother in me feels like I should be giving my children these “experiences,” especially because they asked to do this and I said no (or more precisely, IT WILL NEVER EVER HAPPEN EVER). I’m a dream crusher.

* My daughter is not getting her Christmas wish from Santa. Completely out of the blue my daughter asked Santa for a little sister. Santa thought this was hilarious and called me over to tell me. She’s never previously asked for a sister, in fact she has specified she never wanted another sibling again as her current sibling causes her all sorts of trouble. A lot of her friends have cute little sisters, so apparently she wants one now. Uhhh, not going to happen sweetheart. Santa can’t perform miracles after all.

* Everyone is doing something and I am not doing anything. Everyone I know either has a great career, or has seven kids, or is writing a book, or is going to school, and here I am doing nothing. Nothing. I’m looking into some options for next year when my son is in preschool but that gives me nothing in the meantime. I feel absolutely worthless that I have no interests or hobbies or anything to do in general.

* I can’t exercise to lose weight. People are constantly logging their fitness goals on facebook and putting up annoying motivation memes like “Everyone can do it,” “There are no excuses ” “Everyone can lose the weight” blah blah blah. It makes me want to punch people and yell “Not everyone is able to spend their lives exercising! Some of us aren’t as lucky as you! There is more to life then what you weigh!”

Okay, rant over. Thank goodness it’s almost Christmas and you can’t help but be excited about Christmas when you have little kids. I love my kiddos, I don’t know what I would do without them, so I’ll hold onto that thought for now.

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5 thoughts on “Feeling inadequate

  1. "There are no excuses."

    That "motivational phrase" incites more homicidal rage in me than I'd care to admit. Because you know what? There ARE excuses, and I happen to have a damn fine one! So bugger off, and go be thin and perky somewhere else.

  2. I love your blog and your honesty! I have so many of the same feelings and thoughts you described. I look at you and admire the fact that you manage to write a blog, which is a huge achievement considering everything else you are juggling whilst being chronically ill. You are reaching out to people and are helping us with your words! Thank you and keep doing what you are doing! Hugs from Toronto, Canada

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