7 ways to win at chronic illness

Having a chronic illness is a learning process, there’s a lot of mistakes you make along the way. Sometimes you even make the same mistakes over and over again.

  1. Get a little bit of energy and use it all up cleaning the house. It’s so nice when you start to feel good, and even though you know that you’re supposed to pace yourself you just want to get everything done and prove that you’re not useless. There’s no more excuses for living in filth, those baseboards will not defeat you!




2. Start a new vitamin regimen. You’re so excited about the new vitamin regimen you’ve found. It has really good results so you are determined to stick with it, even though you have to take 24 pills a day. Your dedication doesn’t always last as long as you hoped it would. Taking that many pills a day takes a lot of time, and more importantly, money. You are now broke.




3. Decide to spend the night out with your friends. You’re feeling decent and your friends are going out. Finally a chance to have a good time without your illness in the way. You’re going to stay out all night, ignore your illness, and fake it till you make it. Chronic illness won’t destroy your fun this time!




4. Begin a heavy meditation schedule in order to combat your pain. You find research that says that meditation can help people with chronic pain. Your doctor is harassing you to get off your medication, so you decide your going to turn to meditation as a new cure! Who need pain medication anyway? Only drug addicts, and that’s not you, so you have to prove it to the world.





5. Begin a concentrated exercise regimen designed to heal your body from the bad juju that’s taken over. All the studies (plus your doctor) insist that exercise is good for you. So you’re going to stop listening to your body and start listening to everyone else. The signals your body is sending you are all confused anyway.  All these so called experts surely know your body much better than you do.




6. Find a new doctor and get your hopes up that they’ll be helpful and not judgmental. Your last doctor has given up on you and is no longer helpful. You spend hours researching and you think you might have found a doctor who will be willing to listen.  You try not to get your hopes up, but you can’t help it because it would be amazing if you could just get a little better. There has to be a Dr. House somewhere besides television.




7. Start a new diet that will surely cure your illness. You know someone who cured themselves of their disease by subsisting on kale and water imported from Siberia. You dedicate yourself to this diet for several weeks before you realize you’re are starving and all you can think about is a cheeseburger. Pretty soon the cheeseburger is appearing in your dreams and taunting you, but you won’t give in to the evil cheeseburger.



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