You can't just try harder to make chronic pain go away. Often the pain is there to stay and there's only so much someone can do. to fix it. Trust the person in pain (and their doctor) to do the best they can.

You can’t just “try harder” when you live with chronic pain

txchronicmom@gmail.comcoping, Dear Healthy People, Invisible Illness, Living with chronic illness, Mental Health

People with chronic pain are constantly told that they need to try harder or put more effort into fixing their pain. For example, I found myself walking out of a meeting recently. It wasn’t a situation where anyone was trying to be insensitive or judgmental, and I wasn’t being criticized. Everyone speaking had the best of intentions. It was people talking about how we collectively all needed to do more, to just work harder, to just put in more effort. Because if someone isn’t succeeding, they must not be “trying hard enough”. Even though I knew they weren’t talking about me, I found myself walking out. I walked out because I’ve been told I need to try harder to fix my chronic pain more times than I can count, and I couldn’t bear to even hear the words again.

People with chronic pain are considered failures who haven’t bothered to try to get better

Disabled people and those with chronic illnesses are considered failures of society. I am one of “those” people. “Those” people who might live in poverty or don’t do well enough in their jobs because of lack of accommodation. Those people who don’t prepare for emergencies, people that have to ask for help and assistance. “Those” kinds of people are fakers, lazy, or just unmotivated. Of course, in reality, a large number of “those” people suffer from a mental or physical illness.
 
Stop telling “Those” people who have a mental or physical disability to just try harder so *poof*, their problems go away. Life isn’t that simple.

chronic illness is not a failure, it is

When people can't lift themselves up by their bootstraps we assume it's because they deserve it, but just because you are in a bad situation doesn't mean it's your fault. Share on X

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I’m trying as hard as my body will allow, and I’m still always going to be viewed as a failure. I’m always going to have to ask for help, I’m always going to be dependent on my husband for income and medical insurance. That makes me a lazy failure in some ways, but I still believe that there is more to life than just trying harder. If all it took was effort there would be a lot less suffering in the world. The “lift yourself up by your bootstraps and have amazing success” story is a myth. When people can’t lift themselves up by their bootstraps we assume it’s because they deserve it, but just because you are in a bad situation doesn’t mean it’s your fault. I don’t deserve to be sick and I don’t deserve to be treated like a failure just because I can’t get better. If all it took for me to live a normal life was some effort on my part, don’t you think I would do it? I’ve put an extraordinary amount of effort into just existing. I have:


changed my diet
changed my exercise routines
taken mountains of vitamins
tried herbal remedies
seen dozens of doctors
tried every medication recommended to me by doctors
tried to go without any medication to erase my dependence
made all my food from scratch
gone gluten free
gone dairy free
gone soy free
gone caffeine free
switched all my cleaning products to natural options
tried to have a good attitude
tried not to be depressed
tried not to be angry
tried not to be sad
tried to be happy
tried to accept my lot in life
tried to fight for a better life

People with chronic pain are not in pain because they didn't try hard enough. They've done everything they can to manage the pain, but there's no easy fix.

At what point have I tried hard enough? At what point am I no longer a lazy failure? Will I always be a failure because I’m viewed by other people as being one? I don’t think so. Illness is not a failure, it is a circumstance of life. What helps that change that circumstance is:

A) dumb luck
B) a good doctor
C) large amounts of money

The majority of those things are outside most patient’s control, including mine. Telling people who are chronically ill to “try harder” is not only misinformed, it is offensive. If you want someone to become less of a “failure” you’re going to have to provide them with resources, Better doctors, better healthcare, more at-home assistance, etc. And that is something that is not easily fixed.

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