Finding strength when you live with chronic pain

I had a moment of peace the other day. It came at an odd time, certainly not when I would have expected it. I was riding my bike on the way home from picking my son up at school. I do this everyday because there are no sidewalks for him to ride on,and it’s not safe for him to go alone. Every day it’s hard on me to do this 3 mile round trip bike ride. Every day I’m frustrated by the fact that the ride never gets easier for me. The very small hills I have to ride up are always difficult, every single day I climb them and end up out of breath and I feel pain in my legs, and it all infuriates me. I can’t help but wish I could have a normal body that would adapt to doing the same exercise day after day.

Yesterday was was a difficult day as usual. The wind was blowing against me and I wasn’t sure if I could make it home. I didn’t really have a choice since I had to get home somehow, but it was bad enough that I was considering hopping off my bike and walking.

Chronic illness is a struggle

It’s normally an effort to keep up with my son, but due to a finger injury that somehow impaired his ability to ride a bike, he kept falling behind. I kept stopping and waiting for him, encouraging him to continue on despite his grievous injury (not that it was actually grievous, but to a 9 year old it was). Every time I stopped and looked back at him struggling it reminded me that was usually me. But today he was the one struggling and I was the one helping him. After the third or fourth stop it finally clicked for me that I’m always going to struggle. I’m going to struggle riding my bike every day for the rest of the year. I’m going to struggle with my illness every day for the rest of my life. But, that doesn’t stop me from encouraging others who struggle. That doesn’t stop me from helping others along the way. I can be a voice of support and hope.

I'm going to struggle with my illness every day for the rest of my life, but that doesn't stop me from encouraging others who struggle. Share on X

This experience reminded me of a quote I read in high school:

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
–Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

I’m not generally one for trite words and inspiring posts. Mostly I find them eye roll worthy because they often focus on mind over matter and just getting over your pain or your illness. But I do think there is something to be said for being strong in the broken places. I know that I too can be strong in the broken places, we all can. I can be strong for my son even when bike riding is hard. I can be strong for my family even when living in pain is hard. And I can be a strong support for those who struggle.