1. You get to lay in bed all day because Fibromyalgia is fake
You get to lay in bed all day and eat marshmallows while watching Mexican soap operas. There is certainly no pain involved because after all you are faking it. Really it’s great to watch everyone else go on with their lives while you sit in bed hopped up on painkillers (you are a druggy after all). If only everyone could be so lucky. Fibromyalgia is definitely fake.
As much as healthy people like to think being too sick to get out of bed would be a nice rest, it's actually hard to watch everyone go on with their daily lives when you cannot Share on X2. You get to see your doctor every single month even though Fibromyalgia is fake
It’s so much fun to go sit in the waiting room for hours in those stiff chairs, it certainly doesn’t exacerbate your condition at all. It’s even better to be regularly reminded that you are fat and that you need to exercise more and that your pain is just all in your head. Everyone needs to be told on a regular basis that they are fat and that it’s their fault. You even get to waste money you don’t have on the $300 doctor’s bill. Paying the doctor who didn’t help you is really awesome. I love that Fibromyalgia is so fake that I can be *gaslighted by doctors who don’t take me seriously.
*Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment.
3. You get to pay for outrageously expensive medicine
You get to take lots of prescription medicine which costs a lot and works very little. Nothing can beat taking more pills than an 80-year-old. There is just an amazing thrill of looking at your 10 bottles of medicine and trying to remember what to take when. It’s even better when you have to go to the pharmacy to buy a pill organizer and the check-out person asks if you’re buying it for your grandma. It’s a good thing this fake disease is preparing you for when you are an old person, you’re going to be a pro at this “sick” thing. One day all your friends in the nursing home are going to come to you for advice.
4. You don’t have to socialize with people ever
You can actually go weeks without seeing anyone! As everyone knows, it’s great to stay home all day every day completely immobilized. After all, no one actually likes going out with their friends and having fun. Really we all just want to stay home in bed and not experience anything ever! It’s truly an introvert’s dream.
5. You get to sponge off other people
It’s really enjoyable to not have to work and to sponge off others who would never make you feel guilty about it. You’re privileged to spend years fighting to get minuscule disability benefits (if you can afford a disability lawyer), which you probably can’t. Oh well, what’s wrong with mooching a little bit more? If you can get disability benefits you get to live the life of luxury on $900 a month. You really get to live high on the town with that kind of money. While you’re waiting for appeal after appeal to go through you get to sponge off whomever you want! You never feel guilt though because you have no conscience. You truly are the luckiest person in the world.
This post has affiliate links that come at no cost to you. Please see my disclosure policy for details.
This is very clearly satire. Feel free to rage comment before reading the article.