1. Putting on long pants
When your thoughts go like this: “Can I lift my legs high enough? I’m so stiff I can barely move. How does anyone ever do this standing up? If I sit down on the floor to put them on will I be able to get back up again? ”
Help, I’m falling and I can’t get up!
2. To pee or not to pee
When you wake up because you have to pee, but you hurt too much to move so you lie there wondering how long you can hold it. You play a game of chicken, which will triumph pain or pee?
3. Long lines
You’ve got enough energy to run some errands, maybe go to the store. Then you get stuck in an endless line behind 5 people who feel the need to write a check and buy cigarettes. Just get a credit card people, for goodness sake! You can feel your legs start to cramp up as you stand waiting. You know your going to pay for that lame trip to the store. That deodorant so wasn’t worth it.
Anyone sensitive to pain knows that Bras are basically knives digging into your side sanctioned by the Patriarchy to torture women into submission. The second you walk in the door to your house you throw that baby. Freedom!
5. Weather changes
That rain that everyone has been praying for is finally rolling in, but you are in too much pain to enjoy it. Instead of dancing in the rain you’re in bed keeping company with Netflix and your heating pad and cursing your arthritic knees.
6. Keeping track of prescriptions and vitamins
Your medicine cabinet just isn’t big enough so you have a giant bin under your bathroom sink. You try to organize your pills but there are too many to fit in the pill organizer! You give in and use an app to track your medication. The problem is you can’t always remember if you took your medication or not. Did you or didn’t you? If you did and you take another one you could seriously mess up your body. But if you didn’t take it and you don’t take another one then you could also mess up your body? You can’t decided what to do. You’re playing a game of Russian Roulette.
You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If you do exercise you know it will increase your pain levels so you will have to ask for more pain medication. If you don’t exercise the doctor won’t believe you’re really sick, you must just be depressed because you aren’t trying to get yourself better by exercising (‘cuz that totally works).
8. Being treated like a criminal for taking medication prescribed by a doctor
The dreaded moment has arrived. You clutch your prescription and tell yourself that a doctor believes that you need this medication so you’re not going to take any crap. Sure enough the Pharmacist asks what kind of doctor you got the medication from. You remind them that it isn’t their business and they huff off to get your prescription. The interaction leaves a bad taste in your mouth and makes you feel like you’re a failure and a drug user. You remind yourself that if you were really a drug user, you’d have better drugs.
9. Heat or cold
You’re muscles are hurting, but how will you ease the pain? Will you apply heat? Will you apply cold? Will you alternate between the two? How does the outside temperature affect the equation? This is getting complicated.
10. Nothing to watch
You’re having a pain flare and you just finished your show on Netflix. How are you supposed to get through this? How can you fight the pain when there is nothing to watch? You watch a few minutes of 20 different shows sitting in your Netflix cue, but they just aren’t entertaining you. Where are all the funny shows? Why is everything so stupid? You want to send Netflix an angry email about their very serious neglect of the Big Bang Theory (seriously, why isn’t that on Netflix).